The Demon Tooth from Hell
by Intangible Lollipop
Summary: REWRITTEN Harry has a loose tooth... Draco knows a way to fix it... HPDM slash R.R lovelies....


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, nothing; I own nothing all day long! Do you like my nothing song? Second verse, same as the first; a little bit louder and a little bit worse! In short- JK owns HP, DVDs have STDs, and I own the PLOT.

**Warning:** Slash. Draco/ Harry. No likey, no readey.

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The Demon Tooth from Hell

Harry was in agony. He was not being tortured or anything, but located on his bottom jaw, four teeth from the left, was a loose tooth.

Now, this isn't any ordinary loose tooth. How can it be, if it's located in the mouth of the Boy Who Lived? This was a torturing, tenacious tooth that refused to get the hell out of his mouth.

For the better part of two weeks Harry had spent looking and trying to find a way to get it out. First he tried all the standard methods: tying it with a string to a door and slamming it shut, get his friends to pull it out in his sleep, and playing with it using his tongue. The door method, somehow, didn't work the way it was supposed to…

"Come on, Harry," cajoled Seamus, "it'll all be over with soon."

Harry nodded, Gryffindor bravery kicking in. Reluctantly, he tied the string that was already in place on the door to the Tooth from Hell.

Seamus said soberly, "Which one of us will have the honors of departing this cursed tooth away from the jaws of innocence?" His voice took on a very reverend tone. The entirety of the Gryffindor boys and girls around his age had already gathered before him ceremoniously to view history in the making: Harry Potter's last loose tooth. Huzzah!

Hermione stepped forward. "I would like to perform the task."

"Milady." Bowed Seamus, stepping out of the way so she could have full access to the door.

"Ready, Harry?" Hermione asked. He nodded his head uncertainly.

"OK then… one… two…THREE!" Hermione slammed the door. Everyone watched on amused, as Harry managed to topple over on to the floor- tooth still in mouth. Obviously they had underestimated the power of the tooth.

Afterwards, Harry had asked his roommates to attack him in his sleep to pull out the bloody thing. That, too, ended in a bad way…

Ron was sneaking over to Harry's bed. Judging by the fact that it was 2:00 in the morning and Harry was snoring slightly, he assumed he was asleep.

As the excitement mounted, one could safely say he would be humming the theme song from 'Mission Impossible' had he known it. Ron opened the curtain, and kneeled on the ground next to his friend. Even in the dark he could see the tooth. Mocking him, beckoning him. _Oh, it's going down_, thought Ron. He couldn't take any more of Harry's complaining. Slowly Ron grasped the demon tooth, and pulled it.

At this point in time, two odd things happened. The first was that the tooth still didn't come out. The second was that Ron was magically propelled backwards approximately ten feet.

Ron sighed and clapped his hands together once. "I'm out."

Harry hadn't even woken up.

Harry had tried many other methods as well. First, of course, he had asked Hermione if she knew any handy spells. Even after hours of research, the spells they found were of no use at all. He went to Madam Pomfrey, naturally, to ask if she could magick it out. She had tried, and somehow failed. Harry had even gotten Dean to perform the summoning spell on his tooth when he offered to, but to no avail.

Hermione desperately tried all the muggle remedies her dentist parents had showed her, but none of them worked on the Tooth from Hell. He even took the advice of one of the Jewish Ravenclaws and ate a bagel (apparently that's how he lost one of his) but still, no result.

Harry sighed deeply, relaxing on the common room couch. _Maybe Voldemort is offering dental torture now, _he thought wildly, _that would be the only explanation; but dental torture is so very un-dark lordy._

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny entered the common room, returning from dinner. Harry had left early because he couldn't stand being around food and not being able to eat it.

"Hey Harry." Hermione said sympathetically.

"Look," exclaimed Ron, brandishing a goblet at Harry, "I got Dobby to make a smoothie for you. Strawberries and banana!"

"Thanks!" exclaimed a grateful Harry, and downed the thing in one gulp.

"It really hurts that bad, huh?" Said Hermione, "Can't even eat anything solid?"

He nodded. "It's miserable. I thought I lost all my baby teeth before I was eleven, but than this bugger shows up."

Ginny, having not have talked to Harry since the Door-Slamming Ritual, looked at him confusedly, "I don't get it though. You're fifteen. Why the hell do you still have a baby tooth?"

Harry thought for a moment. "Well, it might be the fact I never received proper dental care from the Dursleys. Either that, or Voldemort, because I'm running out of ideas."

The Weasleys shuddered at the name, but didn't comment. After an uncomfortable silence Hermione coughed something that suspiciously sounded like "plot hole," but it was passed off by the other characters.

"Well," sighed Harry, "I'm off."

"Where are you going?" asked Ron.

"Detention, remember? I got it from Snape during last potions class."

The three fifth-years smiled fondly at the memory…

Harry was extremely groggy, tired, and bored. He had just about enough of Snape's lecture on shrinking potions made for organic material.

His demon tooth must have been the evil side of his subconscious, because throughout half the lesson he'd bee very tempted to play a prank on someone. Anyone. He kept hearing in his mind: _Go on, go on, just do it…_

Harry, after he was finished brewing the organic shrinking potion, carefully put some in a ladle. He had to do this properly…

He eyed Draco Malfoy, the arrogant prick. At first he wanted to just splash him with the stuff, but then his 'Inner Slytherin' had a better idea… He grinned maliciously.

He walked carefully over to the back row, ladle in hand, and looked as if he were approaching Dean or Seamus, who always sat in the back on the Gryffindor side. He looked at them and gave them a huge stage-wink and abruptly turned to Malfoy on the Slytherin side of the classroom. Before anyone could question his antics, Harry had poured the shrinking solution on Malfoy. More specifically, on his crotch.

"ARGH!" he yelled standing up, glaring at Harry. Harry, meanwhile, slid into the seat next to Dean and Seamus looking at the rest of the class in mock-innocence.

"POTTER!" Yelled Snape, as Harry had guessed he would, "50 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR AND DETENTION TOMORROW!" Harry, however, found it extremely hard to care. Hermione had more than made up the missing points in their last class, and detention was just a minor fly in the ointment.

What really made it worth the trouble, was the fact Malfoy was now, how do you say, ah yes…_he had a weenis. (Wee+penisweenis)_. Although Madam Pomfrey managed to get him all right in a few hours, he had talked with a severely high-pitched voice for the rest of the day. Good times, that.

Snapping out of memory lane, the Gryffindor waved good-bye to his comrades and made his way down to the dungeons. As he entered Snape's classroom, an unusual sight met him. Malfoy was sitting at his normal spot in potions, grinning expectantly at the door in a fiendish fashion.

"Hello Potter," he called wickedly.

"Um… hi?" He looked at Malfoy questioningly. Certainly Snape couldn't have given _him_, star of Slytherin, a detention?

Malfoy smirked still, and it was beginning to really irritate Harry. "Guess what?" he drawled, "Snape got called away. Unavoidable, I'm afraid. He asked _me_ to oversee your detention."

Harry paled. He should have known just one detention from Snape had to be torture. _Not like this bloody tooth though_, he thought, rubbing his jaw in irritation.

"What's a matter Potter, cat got your tongue?"

"Nah. Loose Tooth." He supplied tiredly. _I just want to get this over with…_

"Aww… Poor Potter." He said sarcastically. "Now, get to work on sorting and alphabetizing Snape's potion's ingredients, we have all night you know. You can't leave until you're done."

He shrugged. Harry was pleased to note that Draco's voice was still slightly off pitch.

He worked in silence for about five minutes before grunting in pain. Bloody tooth. As a reflex, he started pushing and pulling it about his mouth with his tongue. Malfoy, who was watching nearby on a chair, winced. "Spare me the visuals, please."

Harry looked over at Malfoy and realized the reason Malfoy wasn't annoying him as he worked: Malfoy was working on a transfiguration essay. Glad to have something to distract the prat, Harry too worked in silence, occasionally grunting or moaning of the pain in his tooth.

Malfoy put down his quill in irritation. "I can't work like this. Potter, have you tried _magicking_ the bloody thing out." He spoke condescendingly, so basically he talked like he usually did with Gryffindors.

Harry scowled. "Every trick in the book Malfoy, none of it's worked." Malfoy raised an eyebrow, gave a half-hearted shrug, and turned back to his essay.

A few minutes later…

"Bloody tooth." Harry muttered darkly.

"Are you _sure _you tried everything?" Asked Malfoy impatiently.

"Yes, I did. All muggle ad all magical tricks." He didn't know why he was supplying Malfoy with this information, but at the moment the tooth was clouding his thinking.

"I'm so sick of your whining. Stand up." Malfoy ordered.

Harry compiled, thoroughly sick of cleaning up Mandrake roots.

Come here. Harry, clutching his wand slightly, came to him slightly.

Malfoy smirked. "I'm not stupid enough to harm you in a classroom where teachers have constant access, only you would do that." Harry glared but thought, albeit grudgingly, the boy had a point.

Malfoy soon approached Potter swiftly. He leaned in uncomfortably close. "Are you sure you tried everything?" he whispered.

_This is _very_ offsetting…_ thought Harry, but simply responded, "Um… yeah?"

"You've tried everything mean and painful and forceful on your tooth but it still wouldn't come out?" Malfoy asked, still leaning in for the kill.

"Well, then, maybe you should try a different route." Harry was about to respond when Malfoy, very suddenly and forcefully, kissed him.

Harry's first reaction was to slap him. But then everybody's favorite character, Hormones, arrived. They took over and Harry, though unsure of himself, responded.

Malfoy licked Harry's lips, asking for entrance. Harry, who has now been completely taken over by hormones, opened his mouth very willingly. He moaned.

Malfoy's tongue then glided over the bottom row of Harry's teeth. It paused, briefly, when it reached the tooth four teeth from the left of his mouth. Malfoy's tongue then gave the demon tooth an almighty shove backwards into Harry's mouth-

"Ouch!" Harry yelped, and leapt away from the apparently Schizophrenic blonde. To his tremendous surprise, there was something tiny and pebble-like in his mouth now. Something that felt exactly like-

"My Toof!" Harry said happily, and then proceeded to spit it out of his mouth in a cupped hand. Harry, who had been so happy at finally getting the Tooth from Hell out, completely forgot about the method that was used. "Thanks!" he said brightly.

Malfoy glanced briefly at his watch and then at Harry's workload. "I think you're done here. Get back to your dorms, eh?" Malfoy said. He turned to walk out the door but paused and turned back at the beaming Gryffindor.

"And Harry? The pleasure was all mine." Malfoy bowed, winked, spun on his heel and walked out, presumably toward his own dorm.

Harry, who had been living in Happy Painful-Tooth Free Zone until this time, let the memory of what happened wash over him _Oh god, the kiss, the tongue, the tooth, the wink…_ Harry, trembling, sank to the floor with a vacant expression on his face.

_What the hell was that?_

**Ending notes:** this might be a one shot fic, I'm not sure, it all depends on the response I get from beautiful reviewers! I know strange plot, but what the hell, it was worth a shot! Review Please! Kiss Kiss.

**Original Published: January 21, 2003  
Rewrite: June, 1005 **

You know, this fic, whilst rereading it, wasn't half bad... I am overall pleased with it, and it's status as a oneshot. Edited a few unlikely frases here and there, and basically patched up some grammer errors... anyway... yeah... BOO!


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